by BobTard and various members of alt.tv.homicide

Note: Much of this drinking game is rendered silly by events in later seasons of the series (which in themselves were also pretty silly). Best enjoyed while watching DVDs of Seasons 1 through 4.

THE RULES

Every person assumes the identity of one of the regular characters on the show. Choose the beverage -- alcoholic or otherwise -- of your choice. Every time your character performs one of the following acts, you or your fellow characters must drink your beverage according to the guidelines laid out here.

FRANK PEMBLETON

Frank overenunciates while interrogating a suspect -- one drink
Franks wears his hat -- two drinks
Frank pauses for two seconds or more while delivering a line -- two drinks
Frank raises his voice -- one drink
Frank cries -- chug, group hug, and then everyone says in unison "If that man doesn't get an Emmy..."
Frank talks about the Jesuits -- two drinks
Frank gives a reason for not going to church -- two drinks
Frank lights a cigarette with loving care -- one shot
Frank talks about God -- one drink
Frank mentions Olivia -- one drink
Frank is belittled for smoking -- one drink
Frank is shown wearing suspenders -- one drink
Frank is shown wearing suspenders and a belt -- chug
Suspect tries to make Frank angry with racial epithets -- one drink
Frank actively responds to racial epithets -- chug

TIM BAYLISS

Bayliss disagrees with Frank -- one drink
Bayliss agrees with Frank -- chug
Bayliss talks to anyone besides Frank while Frank isn't around -- chug until he talks to Frank again
Bayliss complains about his back -- one shot
Bayliss gets dissed by a woman -- chug
Bayliss talks about the bar -- one drink
Someone calls Bayliss a "rookie" -- one drink
Bayliss stands behind suspect in Box -- one drink
Bayliss complains about his back -- a dose of Doan's, but no drink; we know better than to mix drugs and alcohol
Bayliss tries to beg off a case -- one drink

LT. AL GIARDELLO

Gee scowls at a detective -- one drink
Gee scowls at a superior -- one drink
Gee scowls at Brodie -- two drinks
Gee scowls while watching an interrogation in the box -- chug until interrogation is over.
Gee says "Get to the bottom of this" -- drink until you get to the bottom of your glass.
Gee speaks in Italian -- one drink for every word you or anyone else remotely understands.
Gee wears his reading glasses -- one drink
Gee changes his haircut from the last episode -- two drinks
Gee mentions one of his kids -- 1 drink; Mentions all 3 kids -- three drinks
You can understand the first time what Gee says -- one drink
Gee turns over desk -- one drink
Gee hits something -- chug
Gee takes out physical aggression on an inanimate object -- one drink and chuck the glass.
Gee gets pissed and throws something -- one drink
Gee mediates dispute between detectives -- one drink

MELDRICK LEWIS

Meldrick mentions his grandmother -- one drink
Meldrick mentions his crazy brother -- two drinks
Meldrick mentions Crosetti -- three drinks while dressed in honor guard uniform
Kellerman refers to Meldrick's budding "romance" with Kay -- one drink, with a slice of wedding cake
Lewis refers to Kellerman as Mikey -- Both Mike and Meldrick take one drink
Meldrick mentions driving -- one drink
Meldrick drives -- chug. Chug until the experience is over
Meldrick and Kay actually do have a romance -- chug and kiss "Kay"
Meldrick drives badly/someone refers to his bad driving -- one drink
Meldrick tosses football around -- one drink with Gatorade chaser
Meldrick is partnered with someone besides Crosetti/Kellerman -- one drink
Partner subsequently complains about Meldrick -- one drink

MIKE KELLERMAN

Kellerman mentions his ex-wife -- one drink
Kellerman mentions any childhood TV program or theme park -- two drinks
Kellerman mentions smoking -- one drink while balancing a lit cigarette in the side of your mouth; drop the cigarette, and you must drink again.
Lewis refers to Kellerman as Mikey -- both Mike and Meldrick take one drink
Mike mentions "When I was back in arson..." -- Chug to keep the urge to smack him down.
Kellerman/someone in a scene with Kellerman refers to the arson squad -- one drink

KAY HOWARD

Anyone calls Kay "Sergeant" -- one drink; the character who called Kay sergeant must salute.
Anyone refers to Kay's perfect clearance rate -- one drink for all characters EXCEPT Kay, for continued good luck.
Kay appears with hair tied up -- one drink
Kay appears with hair loosely flowing -- two drinks
Kay appears with head shaved -- chug, and player must shave head too.
Kay kisses her man -- two drinks for belief.
Kay wears makeup -- one drink
Kay wears a dress -- chug
Kay pulls rank/tries to pull rank over someone -- one drink
Kay gives Russert the brush-off -- one drink
Kay wears the necklace Bolander gave her after they were shot -- one drink

JOHN MUNCH

Munch is called "Munch-kin" -- one drink
Munch takes off his glasses -- drink until your glass is clean, too.
Munch serves a drink in the bar -- one drink
Munch has a drink in the bar -- two drinks
Munch passes out in the bar -- one drink; you must recite the names of Munch's three ex-wives or risk drinking twice more.
Munch or a picture of Munch intoxicated or stoned -- 2 drinks
Munch OPENS his eyes -- two drinks
Munch smiles -- two drinks to be certain
Munch makes a patently concocted comment -- one drink
Someone sees through Munch for what he really is -- chug

MEGAN RUSSERT

Russert refers to her daughter -- one drink
Russert refers to her days in Vice -- one drink
Russert refers to her days in military intelligence -- two drinks
Russert refers to Beau -- two drinks of something that will put some hair on your chest. And neck. And back.
Russert refers to her dead husband -- one drink
Russert contributes to her characterization -- chug and keep going in disbelief.

CAPT. ROGER GAFFNEY

Gaffney argues with Frank -- one drink
Gaffney argues with Russert -- two drinks
Gaffney argues with Barnfather -- three drinks and a Hershey's "Kiss." It will give you a head start on what you'll need to do to Barnfather's boots later.
Gaffney shows up in uniform -- everyone else better fall in line and drink, dammit.
Gaffney berates a detective for his/her performance -- player representing that character drinks twice, everyone else drinks once as a show of moral support against "The Brass."
Gaffney's speech goes "right to his stomach": No one may go to the head until the good Captain is finished there.
Gee overrides Gaffney -- one shot and everyone must stand at attention.

COLONEL BARNFATHER

Barnfather yelling at a shift commander in their office -- one drink
Barnfather has his hat under his arm and puts it on his head or vice-versa -- two drinks
Barnfather calls Lt. Giardello, Gee -- one drink
Barnfather tries to save his ass by chewing out someone lower than him -- one drink

ALL CHARACTERS

Any character appears in a white Cavalier -- player representing that character drink once
Any character appears in a broken down white Cavalier -- player representing that character drink until they get a tow, or finally appear at the crime scene or station house.
Any character other than Meldrick mentions Crosetti -- player representing that character must take two drinks, yell "Long Live the Land of Lincoln" and eat a "funny little cookie."
Any character mentions Bolander -- player representing that character must take two drinks and yell "The Big Man!"
Any character mentions Beau Felton -- player representing that character must take two drinks and recite the names of all the Baldwin brothers; if you fail, you must drink twice more.
Wilgis is mentioned -- One drink for each person she killed; that's 8 drinks. Player must also name at least three of her personalities or take three more drinks.
One drink for a player if a name either goes up or is changed to black on the board.
Any character serves or takes a drink -- one drink
A character talks to the press -- one drink
A character talks to the press and says "no comment" -- two drinks
A character swears at the press -- one drink per obscenity
A character types up a report -- one drink
A character types up a report using the hunt-and-peck method -- twelve sips, with ample pauses in between
Characters hang around on the roof -- one drink for each character there

OTHER SCENARIOS

Adena Watson is mentioned -- 30 seconds of silence; any talking, laughing or drinking is severely punished with a head butt administered by each of the other players.
Any character in a "triple take" -- the player(s) representing those characters must take three drinks
QRT team is called in -- one drink
Gratuitous celebrity cameo -- chug until celebrity leaves
The reverb sound effect is used -- one drink
The triple-take jump cut is used ("No honor guard" -- "no honor guard" -- "no honor guard") -- three drinks, one per repetition
The triple-take jump cut is used in a 4th season episode or later -- chug
Someone watching the show/someone on the show comments on camera work -- chug, until movement of room matches movement of camera
Popular song used -- everyone except first person to identify song drinks